Sunday, July 01, 2007
Psychhology book review--What Happy Women Know
What Happy Women Know: How New Findings in Positive Psychology Can Change Women’s Lives for the Better
Dan Baker, PhD and Cathy Greenberg, PhD with Ina Yalof
2007
Rodale
Baker and Greenberg have previously collaborated on What Happy People Know and What Happy Couples Know. Baker conducted his research at the Canyon Ranch’s Life Enhancement program.
The justification for a book specific to women is that female brains are so different from male. Because of the differences, what makes a man happy may not make a woman happy. Among the differences: more neurons for language and hearing in females, larger prefrontal cortex gives women more self control and at an earlier age, far less brain space devoted to sex drive, larger hippocampus gives women more emotional memory, smaller amygdale gives women less aggression and risk taking.
Six traps commonly lead women to unhappiness: The authors call these the “if onlys,” i.e., if only I were thinner. Most traps are based on the fear of not being enough. The tools to avoid these traps are taken from the field of positive psychology.
The traps are perfectionism, thinking that material things will bring happiness, trying to please everyone, revenge, putting all one’s hopes on another person, and investing all one’s energy in one’s job.
To combat perfectionism, try Kaizen, continual improvement through small steps. Setting high standards is not the same as perfectionism. Goals must be reachable. Positive self talk helps.
To free yourself from the money trap, focus on what you do have rather than what you don’t.
People pleasing can come from fear of abandonment, fear of being exclusion, or fear of anger and confrontation. To have a relationship with yourself, make good decisions about eating and exercise, stimulate your brain, and learn what you need to find peace. Saying no to others allows you to say yes to yourself. When ethics or morals force you to be a caretaker, take equal care of yourself.
Four situations can erode your power: VERB=victimization, entitlement, rescue and blame. Rather than seek revenge, “let it go.” Forgive others and yourself. Positive psychology says to lead with your strengths instead of trying to fix your weaknesses. Make a commitment to yourself; nurture your passion; live a life of purpose.
Ask yourself what combination of work and family suits your needs. You can have it all, just not at the same time. Your job is not your identity.
Grief is inevitable .If you love, you will eventually lose someone or something. You can transcend grief. What can you learn from the experience? Try a gratitude journal or a random act of kindness. Create meaning in your life.
Positive emotions help both physically and mentally. To move closer to optimism, switch thoughts, switch gears, switch friends, or “act as if” things are already great.
Ten qualities of happy women: belief in self, knowing your true north, taking personal responsibility, having courage, being altruistic, embracing optimism, being proactive, appreciating life, sharing wisdom, persevering.
Permission to Reprint: Journalists, newsletter publishers, bloggers and others: You may reprint the above providing you give credit to Frances O. Thomas.
Dan Baker, PhD and Cathy Greenberg, PhD with Ina Yalof
2007
Rodale
Baker and Greenberg have previously collaborated on What Happy People Know and What Happy Couples Know. Baker conducted his research at the Canyon Ranch’s Life Enhancement program.
The justification for a book specific to women is that female brains are so different from male. Because of the differences, what makes a man happy may not make a woman happy. Among the differences: more neurons for language and hearing in females, larger prefrontal cortex gives women more self control and at an earlier age, far less brain space devoted to sex drive, larger hippocampus gives women more emotional memory, smaller amygdale gives women less aggression and risk taking.
Six traps commonly lead women to unhappiness: The authors call these the “if onlys,” i.e., if only I were thinner. Most traps are based on the fear of not being enough. The tools to avoid these traps are taken from the field of positive psychology.
The traps are perfectionism, thinking that material things will bring happiness, trying to please everyone, revenge, putting all one’s hopes on another person, and investing all one’s energy in one’s job.
To combat perfectionism, try Kaizen, continual improvement through small steps. Setting high standards is not the same as perfectionism. Goals must be reachable. Positive self talk helps.
To free yourself from the money trap, focus on what you do have rather than what you don’t.
People pleasing can come from fear of abandonment, fear of being exclusion, or fear of anger and confrontation. To have a relationship with yourself, make good decisions about eating and exercise, stimulate your brain, and learn what you need to find peace. Saying no to others allows you to say yes to yourself. When ethics or morals force you to be a caretaker, take equal care of yourself.
Four situations can erode your power: VERB=victimization, entitlement, rescue and blame. Rather than seek revenge, “let it go.” Forgive others and yourself. Positive psychology says to lead with your strengths instead of trying to fix your weaknesses. Make a commitment to yourself; nurture your passion; live a life of purpose.
Ask yourself what combination of work and family suits your needs. You can have it all, just not at the same time. Your job is not your identity.
Grief is inevitable .If you love, you will eventually lose someone or something. You can transcend grief. What can you learn from the experience? Try a gratitude journal or a random act of kindness. Create meaning in your life.
Positive emotions help both physically and mentally. To move closer to optimism, switch thoughts, switch gears, switch friends, or “act as if” things are already great.
Ten qualities of happy women: belief in self, knowing your true north, taking personal responsibility, having courage, being altruistic, embracing optimism, being proactive, appreciating life, sharing wisdom, persevering.
Permission to Reprint: Journalists, newsletter publishers, bloggers and others: You may reprint the above providing you give credit to Frances O. Thomas.
Labels: book review, happiness, positive psychology, women
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