Monday, July 30, 2007
Self help book summary Thinking About Tomorrow
Thinking About Tomorrow: Reinventing Yourself at Midlife
Susan Crandell
Warner Wellness: NY
The author herself left her job as editor of More magazine to freelance and spend more time with her husband. She interviewed a number of what she calls Life Entrepreneurs who had done the same thing. This is midlife opportunity instead of midlife crisis.
Many people were motivated by Sept. 11 to change. Others changed because their spouse had changed first.
Baby boomers drifted into careers. Career counseling was nonexistent. Work occupies most of our lives yet many are discontented. Sometimes the working conditions are disappointing. High tech means no more down time and greater stress.
Fewer family responsibilities and greater savings allow baby boomers to change in midlife. Some just take a timeout. Some may be downsized.
Some boomers come to athletics late in life. Many refuse to acknowledge aging. Medical advances allow boomers to maintain youthful appearance. Hair dye has a great impact. So do lifestyle pharmaceuticals like Rogaine and Viagra.
People can and do have children at a later age. Boomer grandparents are closer to their children and grandchildren. Adult children return home. Many divorce at midlife but may rediscover a lost love. Blended families are frequent. Gays are adopting children.
Boomers have traveled more than earlier generations and continue to do so in adventure vacations, spa vacations, family vacations, foreign vacations. Some become expatriates.
Reinvention occurs on the spiritual level. Volunteerism, giving back, leaving a legacy, finding a higher calling.
Boomers went to college in record numbers. Many decide to continue education at midlife either for enjoyment or for a new career.
A well chosen pastime can revitalize life.
Some extremists step well outside comfort zone. Take physical challenges like becoming triathlete.
Almost everyone experienced uncertainty on their way to satisfying future. Sharing stories can demystify the process. Life entrepreneurs need to share the scary stuff. Advice is to take ninety days before evaluating how life change is going. Exercise, eat well, engage in spiritual practice to take care of self.
Now is time to think about what moves and motivates you. How can you combine your aspirations and skills to find a job that makes you happy.
What is most meaningful to you? Is it learning? Helping others? Calling own shots? Working with others or alone? Security or risk? How much money do you need to make?
It is easy to postpone decision but reinventers have an aha moment that motivates them to change. Too many choices can be immobilizing. Can work with a life coach. Can join a group. Can go on a retreat. Think big, start small. Don’t have to have full picture at the beginning. Be open to options. Make adjustments. Avoid thinking with blinders on. Resist hopelessness.
Susan Crandell
Warner Wellness: NY
The author herself left her job as editor of More magazine to freelance and spend more time with her husband. She interviewed a number of what she calls Life Entrepreneurs who had done the same thing. This is midlife opportunity instead of midlife crisis.
Many people were motivated by Sept. 11 to change. Others changed because their spouse had changed first.
Baby boomers drifted into careers. Career counseling was nonexistent. Work occupies most of our lives yet many are discontented. Sometimes the working conditions are disappointing. High tech means no more down time and greater stress.
Fewer family responsibilities and greater savings allow baby boomers to change in midlife. Some just take a timeout. Some may be downsized.
Some boomers come to athletics late in life. Many refuse to acknowledge aging. Medical advances allow boomers to maintain youthful appearance. Hair dye has a great impact. So do lifestyle pharmaceuticals like Rogaine and Viagra.
People can and do have children at a later age. Boomer grandparents are closer to their children and grandchildren. Adult children return home. Many divorce at midlife but may rediscover a lost love. Blended families are frequent. Gays are adopting children.
Boomers have traveled more than earlier generations and continue to do so in adventure vacations, spa vacations, family vacations, foreign vacations. Some become expatriates.
Reinvention occurs on the spiritual level. Volunteerism, giving back, leaving a legacy, finding a higher calling.
Boomers went to college in record numbers. Many decide to continue education at midlife either for enjoyment or for a new career.
A well chosen pastime can revitalize life.
Some extremists step well outside comfort zone. Take physical challenges like becoming triathlete.
Almost everyone experienced uncertainty on their way to satisfying future. Sharing stories can demystify the process. Life entrepreneurs need to share the scary stuff. Advice is to take ninety days before evaluating how life change is going. Exercise, eat well, engage in spiritual practice to take care of self.
Now is time to think about what moves and motivates you. How can you combine your aspirations and skills to find a job that makes you happy.
What is most meaningful to you? Is it learning? Helping others? Calling own shots? Working with others or alone? Security or risk? How much money do you need to make?
It is easy to postpone decision but reinventers have an aha moment that motivates them to change. Too many choices can be immobilizing. Can work with a life coach. Can join a group. Can go on a retreat. Think big, start small. Don’t have to have full picture at the beginning. Be open to options. Make adjustments. Avoid thinking with blinders on. Resist hopelessness.
Labels: baby boomers, book summary, midlife crisis, reinventing, selfhelp
Sunday, July 22, 2007
Women Who Think Too Much book summary
Women Who Think Too Much
Susan Nolen-Hoeksema, Ph.D.
Henry Holt and Company, New York, 2003
The author says women are more prone to overthinking or morbid meditation than men. Topics include appearance, family, career, health. Overthinking is toxic and interferes with ability to solve problems and can drive other people away.
Types of overthinking: 1. rant & rave-we think we’ve been wronged; 2. life of its own-we feel upset or ponder a recent event for causes; 3. chaotic-all kinds of concerns flood us at the same time.
Overthinking is not the same as worry. Worry is what if—future oriented. Overthinking is past oriented.
Overthinking is not obsessive-compulsive disorder. Those with OCD focus on external events and thoughts are unwelcome such as thoughts of germs.
Overthinking is not deep thinking. Negative emotion distorts lens and doesn’t allow us to look at any positive aspects.
Overthinking makes trauma worse, causes less support from others, contributes to depression.
Overthinking is more common in the young and middle aged. Fewer than 20 % of people born before 1915 suffered depression.
Causes of current overthinking: lack of values to guide decisions, entitlement obsession, need for quick fixes, self absorption.
To free yourself: give it a rest-use pleasant distractions, get up and get moving, create internal stop sign-interrupt yourself, set an appointment to think about a problem, pray or meditate, lean on others, commit thoughts to paper, seek out positive emotions.
Once free of overthinking, adjust focus, choose your perspective, feel pain and move on, simplify, stop comparing yourself to others, stop waiting to be rescued, brainstorm for solutions, connect to higher values, take baby steps, lower expectations, forgive, escape “shoulds.”
Avoid future traps and avoid common themes, seek expert help, let go of unhealthy goals, be good to yourself; find the story that answers your why questions through psychotherapy, biology, research; expand your roles, find new friends, create a new image.
Overthinking is common in intimate relationships.. Difficult to choose life partner if you are not sure of who you are or what you believe. Once you find a partner, don’t look for a quick fix like drugs, drink, or divorce when problems arise. Society and media give us standards that are impossible to meet. Many women still financially dependent on a partner. If not financially, may be emotionally dependent and need partner’s approval. We can never change someone else, only ourselves. Find activities to do alone but also activities to share.
Parents and siblings can evoke strong emotions. To grow into a mature adult, must acknowledge past and foibles of one’s family, decide what to embrace and what to reject.
Your children’s behavior may affect your self worth. Can’t control their behavior. Complexity of modern life makes parenting difficult. Women more often held responsible for children’s behavior than men are. Don’t compare one child to another. Base expectations on who the child is. Cultivate more complex view of each family member, strengths and weaknesses.
Workplace is ripe ground for overthinking. Less stability. Sense of entitlement-we shouldn’t have to work as hard as our parents. Comparison with others. Reliance on quick fix-everything will be better at a new job. Gender discrimination particular problem for women.
Overthinking health problems can delay seeking help, prevent getting a second opinion. Telling concerns to others helps them seem more manageable. Aim to regain sense of control over life.
Loss and trauma violates our belief that we are in control. The world isn’t just. Mourning takes time. Coping leads to personal growth, better perspective.
Our society places little value on the wisdom of the elderly. Need to learn better value system. Spend some time alone. Provide service to others. Rise above entitlement. Focus on long term goals. Join forces with other women and change self-definitions. Encourage daughters.
Susan Nolen-Hoeksema, Ph.D.
Henry Holt and Company, New York, 2003
The author says women are more prone to overthinking or morbid meditation than men. Topics include appearance, family, career, health. Overthinking is toxic and interferes with ability to solve problems and can drive other people away.
Types of overthinking: 1. rant & rave-we think we’ve been wronged; 2. life of its own-we feel upset or ponder a recent event for causes; 3. chaotic-all kinds of concerns flood us at the same time.
Overthinking is not the same as worry. Worry is what if—future oriented. Overthinking is past oriented.
Overthinking is not obsessive-compulsive disorder. Those with OCD focus on external events and thoughts are unwelcome such as thoughts of germs.
Overthinking is not deep thinking. Negative emotion distorts lens and doesn’t allow us to look at any positive aspects.
Overthinking makes trauma worse, causes less support from others, contributes to depression.
Overthinking is more common in the young and middle aged. Fewer than 20 % of people born before 1915 suffered depression.
Causes of current overthinking: lack of values to guide decisions, entitlement obsession, need for quick fixes, self absorption.
To free yourself: give it a rest-use pleasant distractions, get up and get moving, create internal stop sign-interrupt yourself, set an appointment to think about a problem, pray or meditate, lean on others, commit thoughts to paper, seek out positive emotions.
Once free of overthinking, adjust focus, choose your perspective, feel pain and move on, simplify, stop comparing yourself to others, stop waiting to be rescued, brainstorm for solutions, connect to higher values, take baby steps, lower expectations, forgive, escape “shoulds.”
Avoid future traps and avoid common themes, seek expert help, let go of unhealthy goals, be good to yourself; find the story that answers your why questions through psychotherapy, biology, research; expand your roles, find new friends, create a new image.
Overthinking is common in intimate relationships.. Difficult to choose life partner if you are not sure of who you are or what you believe. Once you find a partner, don’t look for a quick fix like drugs, drink, or divorce when problems arise. Society and media give us standards that are impossible to meet. Many women still financially dependent on a partner. If not financially, may be emotionally dependent and need partner’s approval. We can never change someone else, only ourselves. Find activities to do alone but also activities to share.
Parents and siblings can evoke strong emotions. To grow into a mature adult, must acknowledge past and foibles of one’s family, decide what to embrace and what to reject.
Your children’s behavior may affect your self worth. Can’t control their behavior. Complexity of modern life makes parenting difficult. Women more often held responsible for children’s behavior than men are. Don’t compare one child to another. Base expectations on who the child is. Cultivate more complex view of each family member, strengths and weaknesses.
Workplace is ripe ground for overthinking. Less stability. Sense of entitlement-we shouldn’t have to work as hard as our parents. Comparison with others. Reliance on quick fix-everything will be better at a new job. Gender discrimination particular problem for women.
Overthinking health problems can delay seeking help, prevent getting a second opinion. Telling concerns to others helps them seem more manageable. Aim to regain sense of control over life.
Loss and trauma violates our belief that we are in control. The world isn’t just. Mourning takes time. Coping leads to personal growth, better perspective.
Our society places little value on the wisdom of the elderly. Need to learn better value system. Spend some time alone. Provide service to others. Rise above entitlement. Focus on long term goals. Join forces with other women and change self-definitions. Encourage daughters.
Labels: book summary, overthinking, positive psychology, women
Sunday, July 01, 2007
Psychhology book review--What Happy Women Know
What Happy Women Know: How New Findings in Positive Psychology Can Change Women’s Lives for the Better
Dan Baker, PhD and Cathy Greenberg, PhD with Ina Yalof
2007
Rodale
Baker and Greenberg have previously collaborated on What Happy People Know and What Happy Couples Know. Baker conducted his research at the Canyon Ranch’s Life Enhancement program.
The justification for a book specific to women is that female brains are so different from male. Because of the differences, what makes a man happy may not make a woman happy. Among the differences: more neurons for language and hearing in females, larger prefrontal cortex gives women more self control and at an earlier age, far less brain space devoted to sex drive, larger hippocampus gives women more emotional memory, smaller amygdale gives women less aggression and risk taking.
Six traps commonly lead women to unhappiness: The authors call these the “if onlys,” i.e., if only I were thinner. Most traps are based on the fear of not being enough. The tools to avoid these traps are taken from the field of positive psychology.
The traps are perfectionism, thinking that material things will bring happiness, trying to please everyone, revenge, putting all one’s hopes on another person, and investing all one’s energy in one’s job.
To combat perfectionism, try Kaizen, continual improvement through small steps. Setting high standards is not the same as perfectionism. Goals must be reachable. Positive self talk helps.
To free yourself from the money trap, focus on what you do have rather than what you don’t.
People pleasing can come from fear of abandonment, fear of being exclusion, or fear of anger and confrontation. To have a relationship with yourself, make good decisions about eating and exercise, stimulate your brain, and learn what you need to find peace. Saying no to others allows you to say yes to yourself. When ethics or morals force you to be a caretaker, take equal care of yourself.
Four situations can erode your power: VERB=victimization, entitlement, rescue and blame. Rather than seek revenge, “let it go.” Forgive others and yourself. Positive psychology says to lead with your strengths instead of trying to fix your weaknesses. Make a commitment to yourself; nurture your passion; live a life of purpose.
Ask yourself what combination of work and family suits your needs. You can have it all, just not at the same time. Your job is not your identity.
Grief is inevitable .If you love, you will eventually lose someone or something. You can transcend grief. What can you learn from the experience? Try a gratitude journal or a random act of kindness. Create meaning in your life.
Positive emotions help both physically and mentally. To move closer to optimism, switch thoughts, switch gears, switch friends, or “act as if” things are already great.
Ten qualities of happy women: belief in self, knowing your true north, taking personal responsibility, having courage, being altruistic, embracing optimism, being proactive, appreciating life, sharing wisdom, persevering.
Permission to Reprint: Journalists, newsletter publishers, bloggers and others: You may reprint the above providing you give credit to Frances O. Thomas.
Dan Baker, PhD and Cathy Greenberg, PhD with Ina Yalof
2007
Rodale
Baker and Greenberg have previously collaborated on What Happy People Know and What Happy Couples Know. Baker conducted his research at the Canyon Ranch’s Life Enhancement program.
The justification for a book specific to women is that female brains are so different from male. Because of the differences, what makes a man happy may not make a woman happy. Among the differences: more neurons for language and hearing in females, larger prefrontal cortex gives women more self control and at an earlier age, far less brain space devoted to sex drive, larger hippocampus gives women more emotional memory, smaller amygdale gives women less aggression and risk taking.
Six traps commonly lead women to unhappiness: The authors call these the “if onlys,” i.e., if only I were thinner. Most traps are based on the fear of not being enough. The tools to avoid these traps are taken from the field of positive psychology.
The traps are perfectionism, thinking that material things will bring happiness, trying to please everyone, revenge, putting all one’s hopes on another person, and investing all one’s energy in one’s job.
To combat perfectionism, try Kaizen, continual improvement through small steps. Setting high standards is not the same as perfectionism. Goals must be reachable. Positive self talk helps.
To free yourself from the money trap, focus on what you do have rather than what you don’t.
People pleasing can come from fear of abandonment, fear of being exclusion, or fear of anger and confrontation. To have a relationship with yourself, make good decisions about eating and exercise, stimulate your brain, and learn what you need to find peace. Saying no to others allows you to say yes to yourself. When ethics or morals force you to be a caretaker, take equal care of yourself.
Four situations can erode your power: VERB=victimization, entitlement, rescue and blame. Rather than seek revenge, “let it go.” Forgive others and yourself. Positive psychology says to lead with your strengths instead of trying to fix your weaknesses. Make a commitment to yourself; nurture your passion; live a life of purpose.
Ask yourself what combination of work and family suits your needs. You can have it all, just not at the same time. Your job is not your identity.
Grief is inevitable .If you love, you will eventually lose someone or something. You can transcend grief. What can you learn from the experience? Try a gratitude journal or a random act of kindness. Create meaning in your life.
Positive emotions help both physically and mentally. To move closer to optimism, switch thoughts, switch gears, switch friends, or “act as if” things are already great.
Ten qualities of happy women: belief in self, knowing your true north, taking personal responsibility, having courage, being altruistic, embracing optimism, being proactive, appreciating life, sharing wisdom, persevering.
Permission to Reprint: Journalists, newsletter publishers, bloggers and others: You may reprint the above providing you give credit to Frances O. Thomas.
Labels: book review, happiness, positive psychology, women
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